Chocolate Oatmeal
by Zerolr
Summary: Rukia while cooking for her ill 13th Captain accidentally created a fabulous new craze! Parody part of Bleach fables series. Story follows Urahara's Mysterious box. COMPLETE!
1. Part I

Author Notes: _Hey, what's up. Just to let you know that I wasn't thinking about fitting this story within the main story line of Bleach. That's why you'll see Aizen and co. still as captains in Gotei and hear some references to the Rescue Rukia Arc. This is a parody so I wasn't being very exact about the storyline. Thank you and please read on._ – Zerolr -

Disclaimer: I do not own bleach not do I claim that I do. All the credit to characters settings and everything bleach belongs to Tite Kubo-- you rock man!!!!

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**Chocolate Oatmeal – Part I**

**Yo, this is the Vice Captain of the 6****th**** Squad, Abarai Renji. Just call me Renji, everybody does. Man, I have to find somewhere else to stay when I come to the real world—but, that's beside the point. Now, it's my turn to tell you a tale. It takes place in Soul Society in those moments where there is really nothing going on, or so you think. Crazy stuff be happening, it just isn't that flashy or urgent nothing to do with Hollows, just happenings. The kind of happenings that can stir mad people up. Ah well, its better if I tell you, then describe it…**

Rukia stood over a small pot stirring milk in low boil. Her captain Ukitake Juushiro of the 13th squad fell ill as he usually did. Just yesterday he burned with a fever of 110. His two assistants Kiyone and Sentaro race about him like maniacs. But today he was able to respond when spoken to, and even sit up. The intense fever left him weak, and with very little appetite. Kiyone asked Rukia if she was able to make something easy to go down the throat but sweet as the same time. That's when she whipped out a cookbook she brought in the human world. Flipping it open she picked out a meal that Yuzu prepared for breakfast one morning—oatmeal. Normally, it was a pot of soupy porridge-looking nightmare, but Yuzu jazzed the meal up so beautifully with fresh strawberries for Ichigo, cinnamon sticks for her father, thinly sliced apples for Karin and herself and bananas for Rukia. It was lightly sweetened with sugar and a drop of vanilla extract. It was delicious warm and perfect to start off any day. Rukia was sure that this was perfect to lift her captain's mood, and will defiantly be easy to swallow. She took a taste with her spoon.

"Yup," she whispered to herself, "The milk is warm enough," She took and placed a drop of vanilla extract and deposited a sack of dry oatmeal. After more stirring and more heating, the temperature was just right.

"Hmm… but it needs just one more thing," her mind rang with the idea. It was the sugar. It can't be too much but not too little. As the contents slipped into the pot, to Rukia's grave horror, she discovered it was coca powder instead of sugar. She stared into the pot noticing how it was quickly changing color.

"Oh well, she sighed. She poured in some more and found the sugar and put in a few spoonfuls. Her captain has a major sweet tooth anyway, so hopefully this unexpected twist may prove to be good in the end.

Kiyone and Sentaro, were dressed as Kabuki theater actors performing a small drama for their still recovering captain. In the end, Ukitake clapped earnestly.

"Ha! You heard that!" screeched Kiyone, "He clapped louder for me!"

"Liar! I was the better performer, what in the world are you talking about?!" Sentaro roared in rage.

"Fatty!" she cried.

"Dumb nut!" he countered, "And, I'm not fat!"

"Oh yeah?! It's easy to hide it under the layers of your kimono!"

"Grrr!!!!" They both growled bashing and grinding heads.

Rukia walked in with a nicely set tray that exposed the small bowl, a cup and a delicate small vase that displayed a single flower stem.

"Oh! Kuchiki, Thank you—," he gawked as the strange substance, "What is that?"

"This is oatmeal, Captain," Replied Rukia with a sweet smile, "I know it's very untraditional but it's good and easy to eat, it's chocolate," She added with a smile.

"Mmm, it smells delicious," he chirped. The tray was placed on his lap. He took the strange apparatus called "spoon" and was about to dip in his first spoonful when Kiyone snatched the tray right from under the captain's nose.

"Rukia?" she asked, "Did you have anyone test taste it? It has to be perfect before the captain tries it.

Ukitake's head drooped down in despair. The smell of warm chocolate left him dangling in mid-air.

**Yeah…that's when they called me. I suppose Rukia thought I was the perfect sacrificial lamb to her crazy cooking experiments.**

"Oh come on, Renji," whined Rukia," It's chocolate, chocolate! You're acting as if I'm handing you—,"

"A pile of shit! He declared, finishing her sentence. "This straight up looks like a pile of shit!" he cried pushing the bowl away in disgust.

"I've had it with you!" cried Rukia. She snatched up the spoon and grabbing him from the back of his neck, pulling him down to her level, she shoved a spoonful of the stuff right into his mouth.

**It was like, it was like an explosion of flavor in the mouth! Blasting off somewhere thinking, what the fuck? Three million times and feeling so fucking good in the mouth, it was like what the fuck? All over again! It was like, no way this is happening, yet it's happening, it was like, like, ya know what? I'll just shut up and continue. **

"So…" Rukia asked nervously panicking, "What does it taste like?"

Renji remained in silent shock.

Rukia sighed, "I'm sorry Renji," she replied feeling defeated, "It's a good thing Kiyone suggested test tasting. I think the chocolate was the—,"

"Best part!" finished Renji. He looked at her in wide eyed wonder, "That chocolate was the best fucking part—gimme that!" he barked snatching the bowl from Rukia's hands. She jumped startled by such a sudden action.

"Renji!" she cried feeling like a ruffled hen, "Give me back the—,"

"IS there more?!" he asked excitedly, Renji passed the empty bowl. She could only sigh.

"I'll see hold on…"

* * *

Again the bowl in the elegant tray was presented before Captain Ukitake. He smiled like a sweet child at Christmas time. His long pale fingers toyed with the metal spoon before picking it up. The body was shivering with excitement, completely enticed with the smell of chocolate, his ultimate weakness.

Kiyone, Sentaro, and Rukia watched with concern as he took a spoonful and popped it into his mouth.

"Mmmm!" A cheery sweet look of sunshine lit the kind captain's face. Kiyone and Sentaro exchanged looks of satisfaction and both turned to Rukia.

"Domo arigato gozaimasu!" They chanted gratefully in unison.

"Oh, no, no, he's our captain after all and it's nothing really."

"NOTHING?!" burst Renji.

They all jumped. Abarai pounced in with a large pot of oatmeal in his hands. To Rukia's grave horror, it was completely empty.


	2. Part II

**Part II**

**Okay, okay I admit—I went a little psyco. But ya gotta believe me, that shit is bangin! It's so fucking good—look at me! It's making me fucking curse in every fucking sentence—What the fuck?! Captain Ukitake loved it so much that he insisted to Rukia, on making more and so she did. Doing it the same exact way she did it the first time. She was confused and shit, she didn't see what the deal was anyway. But since her Captain was the one asking her it was basically an order…**

"Oiii, Juushiro!"

"Good, Shunsui, I want you to try this!"

"Mmmm—smells good…"

**It went around, and when I said it went around—it went around!**

"Ooohh! Ahhh...!"cried Matsumoto, "Wow, Nanao-chan! This is bliss!"

Nanao blushed, "Shunsui gave me some yesterday, I don't know what this has but it makes me feel so,"

"Ohhhhh yesss!" moaned Matsumoto, "This is like sexual ecstasy! I'm going to give some to my captain!" She giggled, "Who made this?"

"Kuchiki-san. I heard she's making some more at her captain's station.

"Let's go!"

**It reached up to Captain Kenpachi's Squad.**

"Hey!" What the hell is this mess!" boomed Kenpachi enraged as he entered his station finding that they started a rumble without him.

"I wiiiiiin" sang Yumichika running away with the bowl, "The most beautiful taste in the universe belongs to me!" he crashed out of the window laughing hysterically.

"Fucking BITCH!" screamed Ikkaku slamming his zanpakuto to the ground.

"Ken-chan, Ken-chan!" sang Yachiru, "I wan some puttie! Puttie! Puttie! Puttie! All over baldy's head so yummy!"

"He—hey!!!! Cried the frightened third-seat while covering his head protectively.

"This gives me an idea…"gurgled Kenpachi, a sickening grin spreading throughout his entire face.

"Uh-oh…" Iba who happened to be there shivered like a frightened puppy.

**And can you believe it? It reached that kooky Mayuri of the 12****th**** Squad too!**

"Nemu, if the reason for this interruption is an insensate one, I'll make sure, you never, never, see the light of day again!" he whirled around in his chair to face his lieutenant. Doing so, Nemu took the opportunity to stick the spoon in the captain's mouth.

"!!!!!" he slapped her away, sending her crashing into the wall in the back, "I must do research!" he screamed. "I-I-Im—Impossible! It cannot be!? How?! How?!" He churned the sloppy oatmeal violently with the spoon. Akon and Rin helped Nemu to her feet.

His eyes went wild moving in circles as he savored another spoonful. Akon freaked out.

"Shall we start with an analysis?" asked Nemu almost robotically.

"Yes! Of course! Don't just stand there! Be quick with it!"

"Yes, Mayuri-sama," she reached for the bowl on the lab table but the mad scientist growled at her.

"Not with this one, you dolt! Go get yourself another!"

"I guess he really likes it," chirped Rin.

"I'm going to try some," began Akon, "I hope it goes well with coffee…"

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"Ahhh…. Renji my hands are going to fall off," cried Rukia who had been making helpings for everyone who passed by. She stood on a stool while her petite body leaned over a huge bowl as she churned the boiling pot with a large spoon, rotating her hands and arms in circles. Renji chuckled seeing how she was too little to be cooking with a supersize pot.

Renji laid stretched out on the porch licking his spoon, "You should start charging. You'll make a pretty penny, Rukia."

"I don't know…"

"It'll be free for those who never tried it before," suggested Renji once more.

Rukia's mind was elsewhere and she slightly flushed and then suddenly shook her head.

"What is it?" Renji sat up and his smile faded.

"Nii-sama."

**Oh…yeah…HIM. Truth is, if I were in her place—I'd feel the same way, too. With Captain Byakuya it's always unexpected.**

"I'll bring in some and drop it over at his office, how's that?"

Rukia bounced up and hugged him tightly, "Oh, Renji! Thank you!"

**Ahhh shit, I hate/like it when she does that… In some ways she so totally cute, but don't you DARE tell anyone—I'll ring your neck!!!**

"What?"

Captaiiiiiin! Try this, try this!" sang Matsumoto placing a steaming bowl right over several documents on Hitsugaya's desk. She carelessly dropped it in front of him and some of the contents sloshed to the side and like a wave it bubbled over the edge and splattered a detailed documentation of menos grande.

"**MATSUMOTO!!!"**

"Oppsie!" She winced, a painful look drawn over her face. Her white-haired captain pricked up worse than a porcupine high on adrenaline.

"Clean this mess!" he barked, "And there's no way I'm eating that!"

"It just dribbled just a little but, it's not that bad," she replied mischievously cleaning it off with a handkerchief. She smeared it purposely all over the document and the captain's face was beyond the shade of red, boiling in rage.

"Sweeten your life just a little!" She sang.

"I'm not going to poison myself with your cooking." He scoffed

"I didn't make it," Matsumoto gave him an honest look, "Rukia did."

"Ru…kia?" He questioned staring at the bowl with new eyes.

Matsumoto gave him a spoon, and eagerly watching him she grinned, "People are paying money for it now."

"!?" He registered a look of interest and shock.

Matsumoto stared blinking excitedly.

"Oh—shit!" he gasped after the first scoop.

"This is—"he gulped another bite, "Delicious!"

Aizen Sosuke still captain at this point, sat in his office spinning around in one of those office chairs that he retrieved from the human world. Gin and Tosen was with him. He swirled around the chair and in his hands was a long handle spoon. He twirled the mental utensil in his fingers, licking his lips in absolute bliss.

"This, is the taste of pure evil…" he announced calmly.

"I wish I could see how it looks like," Tosen groaned sadly.

"Don worry, you're not missin' much," replied Gin as he licked his bowl clean.

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End Notes: I hope you are enjoying this story. I personally found myself chucking here and there at some parts… _It's not over!!!_ Part 3 and 4 are left!!!! Look out for it! If you wish leave a review or two. Gladly accept comments and suggestions…. Thanx

- Zerolr -


	3. Part III

Author Notes: OMG thank you! For all who reviewed and those who even just took the time to read, thank you so much. Oh God, I love Bleach. God knows how much I'm obsessed about this anime. I have tried to insert every character possible that have existed and played a significant role. There are so many characters that I love—Renji, Ol' Yama-jii etc, etc… I hope you can see that in my writing.

For ARCtheElite- My sister and I were making oatmeal when out of the whim when my mother just added a whole bunch of Hersey's chocolate powder into it. It turned out to be very good actually tasting more like a chocolate bar than anything else… Well you can say that event fueled the thoughts for this fanfic…

Sorry for the long intro well hope you enjoy!

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**Part III**

**Alright, I know I'm dragging the story a bit but this is the last part, I promise—now where was—yeah, yeah, now I remember. Okay! So this "oatmeal" madness spread around infecting almost everybody finally reaching the old withered ear of Ol' Yama-ji…**

"What is this "oatmeal" they speak of?" Yamamoto Genryusai asked his lieutenant, Sasakibe, "Bring the one in charge here—in my presence."

A few moments later, Rukia arrived with her captain close behind her. She trembled from the inside as her hands rested a tray that contained a bowl of that said oatmeal. Sasakibe took the tray and carefully placed it on the lap of the Captain Commander. He reached for the spoon as silence settled and rested physically in the room. It was a silence so palpable, so heavy, that Rukia's bowed head had the sensation that it was being pulled straight towards the ground. Ukitake was sure that the old man will like it because,

**"The elderly love oatmeal?!" What is that? I don't know, but that sounded like a stereo-type to me…**

Yamamoto took a bite. He savored that first taste in his tongue before swallowing. Everything was silent. He took another bite. Five minutes later he was still calmly eating, still leaving everyone in silence. He bent his head over and ate the meal in little spoonfuls. The sound of eating filled the room. Then some of the oatmeal dribbled down his beard and Sasakibe wiped it up.

Ukitake nervously smiled. He really looked like an elderly man with no teeth enjoying a bowl of oatmeal.

**Don't get me wrong—Ol' Yama's got teeth, please, **_**please,**_** don't tell anyone, I said that…**

After he finished, Sasakibe wiped his mouth and then he spoke.

"Never in all my years, have I tasted such magnificent oatmeal."

Rukia raised her head in complete shock.

"This food should never—never be wasted. Therefore it will be law—that anyone who dares to dispose this chocolate oatmeal—will be _sentenced to a hundred years of prison!!!_"

After those words had been spoken he took a sip of his tea and suddenly dipped his head in sleep. Sasakibe nodded and told them that they were allowed to leave. Rukia was speechless, shaking and still rattling from shock.

**Nobody had a problem with the new law. Everybody loved eating it and Rukia always made just enough leaving no leftovers. I kept the promise that I made to her. I left a bowl at the 6****th**** captain's desk. He stared at it and then stared at me. I left and came back to hear what he thought of it. He just said, "It was fine, bring me some more…" Hmmmmmmm……. I find that **_**really**_** strange since everybody had outrageous outbursts when they first tried it. Ehhh… but anyways, Rukia looked so DAMN happy, when I told her. So she proceeded to always leave a bowl for him everyday…**

The new law was being passed through the elders of Central 46. So even if the 1st Squad Commander issued it, basically it really wasn't applied until the approval was declared to everyone via hell butterfly, and of course Byakuya was well aware of this…

Renji strolled in one afternoon with a couple of papers from Captain Unohana informing on the upcoming medical checkups for the 6th Squad members. The red head looked left and right, and seeing no one there, decided to leave the sheets on his desk. Obviously, when he comes back, he will notice. He took the door in the back as a shortcut since he was going to drop by Ikkaku's joint to have a drink.

Renji stiffened. His mouth slowly dropped and an inhuman screech emitted from deep within his throat.

Kuchiki Byakuya stood in the corner of his small garden _dumping_ all of Rukia's oatmeal in a hole he dug and all the while his face slightly grimaced at the sight of the ploppy oatmeal as it had fallen into its premature grave.

**Okay, okay—let's get this straight, I'm not saying that everyone has to like it, or that everyone has to eat it. What's killing me here is that he's lying—LYING!!! LYING?! Captain Byakuya—LYING?! I mean, I-I don't get it. This, this doesn't process…. It's going through my eyes, my ears and it can't get through my brain. There's some kind of fucking jam. ERROR! ERROR! He's always blunt about the truth and the laws with everybody… so why did he have to lie to Rukia—to me?**

The grim captain slowly turned at the sound of the strange voice. Renji nearly shitted in his own pants, turning, he made a failed attempt to escape, to only face himself with a blade against his neck. He swallowed painfully.

"Any word of this, to Rukia—to anyone, you will be dealt with cleanly and silently, understood?"

Renji nodded slowly his whole body breaking in a cold sweat.

"Good, you may take your leave."

He released his grip and the blade fell away from the vice captain's neck. Renji gasped a sigh of relief. He took a few steps before stopping again.

"Have you even tried it?" A squiggle registered across Renji's face, "You've got to tell her the truth, especially with that new law coming into play."

"That is none of your concern."

"Okay, fine!" Renji barked throwing up his arms in the air in resignation, "But in the end it's gonna bite you in the ass."

Byakuya lashed a terrifying glare causing Renji to dash off scared out of his wits.

"Interesting, yes, yes, most interesting…" babbled Mayuri as Nemu jotted everything down.

"Huh?" Kira Izuru stopped since the 12th Captain and his vice stood right in the middle of the pathway. In his hands he carried a small bowl of chocolate oatmeal.

"You! Halt! …Let me see…" Mayuri jeered. He poked his sickly yellow eyes into Kira's bowl and saw sliced apples and peaches mixed in.

"Peaches and apples—write that down!"

"Yes, Mayuri-sama."

"What are you doing, Captain Kurotsuchi?"

"None of your business!" the mad scientist roared.

Kira squinted his eyes shut, "Gomen nasai."

Nemu waked over to the droopy blonde, "Spoon please."

Kira complied casually. Nemu took the bowl and ate everything he had. Kira gagged in shock.

"This combination is very good, it works well."

"Excellent!" Now let's find someone else!" he announced excitedly.

"Ehhhhhh…my oatmeal…" Kira cried painfully.

**Ya know, in that notepad that Nemu carried around jotting stuff… It looked a little like this:**

Oatmeal Combinations

Akon- w/ coffee and marshmallows / Very good…

Cap. Komamura- w/ kibbles and bits dog food / Somewhat strange…

Ikkaku- w/ sake and cherries / Intoxicatingly delicious…

Soifon- w/ honey / Very sweet…

Shuuhei- w/ ramen noodles / ???????????

Ukitake- w/ chocolate chunks and strawberries / Five stars…

Yachiru- on Ikkaku's head / Ikkaku would not let me lick his head…

Kenpachi- w/ blood spatters / sharp taste…

Unohana- w/ cough syrup/ fuzzy tasting…

Yumichika- w/ flower petals / Leafy…

Kira Izuru- w/ apples and peaches / Very good, works well…

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Matsumoto noticed Hanataro rushing into her captain's office. Strange, she thought. What would little Hanataro be doing there? Being the curious woman that she was, she decided to walk in. When she did so, she found that Hanataro placed that bag he carried on Hitsu's desk. Her captain was there and he pulled the bag open revealing a bucket of ice cream. He smiled which shocked her and she saw him pull out his bowl of oatmeal.

It had been chilled into a frozen treat. He also had another bowl that was chilled for Hana. He passed it to him.

"Ohhhhh?" cooed the vice, "What's this?"

"Shut up." Replied Hitsugaya casually, "Hanataro wanted to try my version of the chocolate oatmeal." He explained.

"Mmm… come to think of it, everybody's coming up with different ways to eat it." She placed a finger to her lips in thought. She then skipped to Hitsu's side, "Ooooh, this looks good, is that cool whip?"

"Yes," he replied as he churred a swirl of the fluffy white stuff after the scoop of ice cream was placed.

"I brought cherry syrup is that okay?" Hanataro asked politely.

"Oh yes of course!" chirped Matsumoto snatching the bottle before Hitsugaya can even say a word.

Kenpachi grinned wildly. The ultimate man-kill-man tournament for the sacred prize of a bowl of chocolate oatmeal. He placed regulations that anybody who went to buy a bowl had to first participate in a tournament. The winner was allowed to buy one. Also if one buys a bowl, anybody has a right to challenge that person for it.

Constant wars ensued and Kenpachi _loved_ it.

The Hell butterflies flew, and all of Soul Society knew, that it was official. No waste of any bowl of oatmeal was ever going to be tolerated. The request for approval was granted and the 46 elders in their 46 chairs enjoyed the 46 bowls of oatmeal that stirred them to eat it in 46 different ways…

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End Notes: Long chapter, I'm sorry but Renji has a lot to tell *laughs* _Next and final chapter—Part 4!_ Wait, and look for it. It's going to be even longer than this one, but it's very good I promise!!!

- Zerolr -


	4. Part IV

_This is a request for I-Like-WAFFLES_

Zerolr's Chocolate Oatmeal Recipe

_Ingredients: _

- Dry oatmeal (about a cup or so)

- Hersey's chocolate powder (non-sweetened)

- Milk (I used 2%)

- Dominican Republic Vanilla extract (1 teaspoon) (optional)

- Domino Sugar (taste it until you find it good)

_Directions:_

Find a suitable pot. Heat up the milk up to the desired temp (It doesn't have to be piping hot) Add the dry oatmeal stir until the oats have soaked up the milk, feel free to add the chocolate and the vanilla at this time. After a few minutes add the sugar and test taste until it's come to the desired sweetness. It will be ready when the oats are mushy and don't have that dry taste to them. You can serve right away.

_Warning: _Please don't sue me or anything. I can't guarantee that it will be the best tasting oatmeal, or something along those lines. Some of those combinations including the Hitsugaya method I personally haven't tried yet. You can do if you want but I can't guarantee anything. It's a recipe that made with my family and I happen to like it. I'm not a professional chef or anything… There, I defended myself.

* * *

It's finally here! YAY! Part 4!!! Sorry for the delay… Stayed up to the wee hours of the morning finishing this. It's six pages on my word document on my comp. Thank you for everyone who has to review and all those who read. I am so happy for those who enjoyed it. I have succeeded my purpose. I hope to write many more enjoyable pieces. As always, any comments and remarks for improvements or even requests, let me know, don't be shy.

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**Part IV**

**My bad, but listen! Listen right here! This is the whole point of my story! Right here—hear me out! I know I said last time that it was the last part, but I had to tell you all that so then you can get this last part. Okay here goes…**

A vicious, threatening, and most dangerous stare down ensued between the proud powerful captain of the 6th squad Kuchiki Byakuya and a bowl of chocolate oatmeal. Rukia had just left it there and five slow torturous minutes had passed with them both involved. The warm meal bubbled up popping in its sloppy slushy mess and Byakuya held his breath. It was the most disgusting thing he had EVER seen.

Who the fuck invented oatmeal anyway? Where is he? Where is he? I will find the fucking man. I will kill him. Kill. Kill. Kill……

His hand trembled as he picked up the spoon and the oatmeal laughed at him.

_Hah! You can't resist me! No one can! Come on, take a taste—just one and you'll be hooked!_

Byakuya slammed the spoon on the table "Curse you!" he muttered to the bowl who never spoke at all, "Curse you and all your relatives… They all may have fallen under your spell—but I Kuchiki Byakuya 28th Head of the Kuchiki Noble family shall never succumb to your sinister influence."

He closed his eyes slowly and leaned back on his chair. Now, he thought, to find a way to rid myself of this… His eyes shot open. Wait, that's it. At my manor, I have countless servants—I'd simply hand this, this thing over to them and they will consume it somewhere far—very FAR from my sight…yes… perfect.

Byakuya calmly stood retrieving the nightmarish bowl and calmly strolled to the exit of his office. He walked out on the long veranda and started to make his way around. Shuuhei happened to walk down that very same path and spotted the silent captain. Mr. Sixty-nine's eyes widened seeing the Great Kuchiki Byakuya with a bowl of oatmeal in his hands. It is something that no one has ever seen before.

"Oh hey, Captain Kuchiki," Bya noted that Shuuhei too had a bowl in his hands. Eyes that so calmly looked into the 9th vice's bowl were suddenly wrenched open. His face and the rest of his body remained stoic, completely frozen, "What is that?"

"Oh—this?!" Shuuhei used his chopsticks to pull a small bundle of noodles from within the chocolately oats, "It's ramen noodles!" he declared happily, "I know it's looks kind of strange but it's really—,"

"I see that your tongue has completely lost the ability to taste." This he said and walked on. Shuuhei stood there stunned.

"Did he just dissed me?"

As he continued his epic journey back towards the manor, Byakuya faced a number of different trials. Dodging parades of crowds slipping through and epic battle between Yumichika and Ikakku.

"Byakuchi, wha cha doin?" asked Yachiru, hopping on to his shoulder. Without looking back he replied,

"Do you want some?"

"Huh? Do you wanna lose to me?" He looked at her in question, "I'll eat puttie if you bow down and say 'Yachi is da best in that whooooole world better than me, Bya-Bya who likes to eat feet!"

"Never mind."

"Oiiiiiiiii," growled a harsh voice.

Byakuya slightly looked back spotting Zaraki Kenpachi grinning like a blood thirsty monster, "I want that bowl, " the Byakuya stared at the 11th captain in silence, "Let me kill ya for it…"

He swung a mighty blow, Yachiru hopped out of the way and Byakuya disappeared with the grace of shunpo on his side.

This wasn't good. He had to get there as soon as possible before anybody else spotted him. He landed in a safe spot under some trees. He looked around to make sure.

Good. Only a little more and—

"You really ain't gonna eat that, are ya?"

Without looking back he already knew who it was by the sound of his voice. Sly, manipulative, not to mention nosey as hell—Ichimaru Gin.

"Come ta think of it, this is the first time I saw you with a bowl in yur hands—how's it taste like?"

Byakuya ignored him and started to walk off.

"Then is it safe to say that you've never tried it?"

Silence.

"Why won't ya say somethin?" Gin tilted his head to the side. He sat up in the trees looking down at him with tons of curiosity. After all he only had a few weeks of fun before the conspiracy would cause him to leave this place.

Even more silence. Byakuya swore to his own heart and once again to his parent's graves that he wouldn't lie again about this oatmeal thing. He couldn't answer the question.

"Take a bite in front of me" Gin asked.

"Go away," was the answer.

"Very well then," The smiling fox face drew out his blade slowly.

Byakuya looked behind him.

"Run and I'll tell Rukia, everyone how'd you'd never taken a taste and that you're dying ta get home ta find a throat to shove it down in…"

Byakuya stared as the fox face jumped down from the branches, "Since when?" he asked.

"Oh, I can't tell… long enough ta overhear that conversation you had wit yur vice."

Now he slightly shook. It was just one violent shudder for only a fraction of a second.

"I guess there's a first for everything—right? Kuchiki Byakuya…" His smile stretched further up his face.

Byakuya held the bowl in one hand as he withdrew the blade with the other.

Gin chucked, "Can you really fight—," he dashed towards him, "With a bowl in yur hands?!" Byakuya brought the bowl close to him as if shielding an infant as Ichimaru closed in. As the 3rd captain lunged forward with a thrust, Byakuya shifted seamlessly from that location to another. Gin remained in that pose for that second and seeing his fellow captain reappear he straighten himself up. Being so close to that scent of warm chocolate riled him up. Sticking out his long he licked his lip much to Byakuya's disgust. Expressionless as always, Byakuya closed his eyes slowly.

"Get out of my way or die."

"Cap'n Bya, Cap'n Bya—such a liar, liar. Gonna rot in prison, burn in hell's fire…"

"Scatter Senbonzakura," The thousand petal like blades rose and blew about. He raised his hand signaling the direction of his target. Ichimaru raised his head slowly seeing the wave of shimmering blades lashed towards him.

"Wow, so pretty…" he looked down at him, "It's really gonna make me bleed really bad—won't it?"

"What is he doing?" he thought seeing him rushing into the incoming attack.

"Shoot to kill, Shinsou."

What? Is he really that?"

The blade blasted off launching forward, towards the shocked 6th captain. Byakuya's attack hit Ichimaru but it was all to allow a perfect chance to slip in with his own attack.

Byakuya quickly stepped to the side. The oatmeal sloshed to the right of the bowl threatening him to bubble over at one side.

"You were kinda slow there—captain,"

The petals allowed a clearing to see Ichimaru still living, a heavy bleeding corpse. He grinned as if unaffected by it all.

Byakuya narrowed his eyes slightly, "You're persistent."

"Is that a compliment?" Gin's blade was sheathed in the scabbard, and Byakuya knew that it has been released in its true form, its true size. He brought down his arm in front of him the petals whipped up caught by the wind dashing toward him once more.

Gin smirked, "Heh, I ain't that dumb to fall inta the same thing twice,"

He grabbed the hilt of his blade and swung several times with each swing being returned to the sheath. The blade could not be seen but the wind blown up by each sudden rush, the dirt that lifted with each sudden strike allowed Byakuya to dodge.

Tch. Damn, the reach of that blade is sickening, he thought. He is managing to maneuver around my senbonzakura... I cannot allow this to drag any further.

Near misses and close calls passed on between them and Byakuya found that he was getting exhausted. The tension he possessed for constantly keeping the oatmeal steady was what tired him especially.

For a moment they paused and petals swirled around him protectively. Ichimaru Gin watched him cautiously. His hand that grabbed the blade slightly twitched anxious anticipating, greedy to lash out another blow.

"Why can't you mind your business?" Byakuya pressed.

Gin smiled before he answered, "Day after day your sweet lil' sis comes ova ta leave a bowl she made with so much love. Day after day. She makes sure there is always one for her brother, with so much love, with so much love."

The senbonzakura blew around Byakuya like a hurricane causing a loud humming sound raging while the 6th captain remained standing in its center calm and composed.

"That is none," he slowly opened his eyes, "None of your concern."

Gin slightly opened the slits of his own eyes to take in all the rage that had boiled within Byakuya that had come to be completely expressed in his eyes.

Ooooo, he's pretty mad, he thought. This makes it all the more sweeter, "Whoa!"

The petals zoomed at a speed five times than before, reaching encapsulating around his left are gashing tearing away at the skin. Ichimaru withdrew his blade to deflect the rest of them from coming. He secured a larger parameter around him with his constant swings. Ichimaru swung more and more picking up wind. The senbonzakura crashed against that barrier that Gin had set up with his swing blade.

Agitation began to build alongside his rage. Since Ichimaru's blade had such a long reach, the area that Gin cleared was wide, a huge gap between him and the senbonzakura.

A gush of wind blew strongly in Byakuya's direction, so strong that the bowl in his hands flew off. His eyes wrenched open as he turned and reached for it. He quickly caught it, but some drops also flew out and Byakuya dropped to the ground with the bowl in hand so that the drops could land in the oatmeal.

Plop! Plop!

The oatmeal landed with success splattering his face. Specks of the soupy chocolate dotted his nose and lips.

Ichimaru noticed that the tension of catching the fly away bowl cause Byakuya to retreat the senbonzakura. With his own blade returned to it's original shape, Gin made his way to the fallen captain. He pulled out a spoon and crouched to his level.

"Try it." he asked.

Byakuya pulled himself up embarrassed to be spotted performing such an acrobatic display, although he never showed that embarrassment in his face.

"Be gone."

"Then let me have it."

Byakuya looked at him quite confused.

"You getting me hungry just handling it about without takin a single bite."

Should I? Byakuya heard the sound of clattering footsteps. Their epic battle aroused the attention of several shinigami in the area. He internally panicked.

"Here," he said quite bluntly passing the bowl unto Ichimaru's bloody chest.

"Thanks!" he cheered. They both stood.

Turning around the corner was Captain Ukitake, Renji, Rukia; a very bloody very injured Ikkaku, Kira, Hinamori Momo, Matsumoto, Yachiru on the shoulder of Captain Kenpachi, Captain Aizen and Captain Toushiro.

"What's the meaning of this?" Toushiro barked mainly at Ichimaru who stood oozing in his own blood with a bowl in one hand and a spoon in the other.

"Bya-Bya lost!!!" cheered Yachiru happily.

"That can't be!" cried Rukia.

"Captain," Kira sadly looked up to Ichimaru, "You could have asked me, I would have brought you a bowl." He groaned sadly with the mess of blood all over the place and the chopped off branches of the trees around them, "What a waste."

Matsumoto chuckled a little seeing the small splatters that dotted the very serious face of the 6th captain.

Renji jogged up to his captain, "Yo, Captain, what happened—really?"

"That is none of your concern."

"Yeah, but everybody wants to—,"

SPLAT!

Renji grimaced.

"Oppsie, my bad!" sang Gin.

Everyone except Kenpachi sucked in their breath. Ichimaru had flung his spoon and the oatmeal covered Byakuya's entire face.

"Ca-ca-captain! It's all right! I-I—I'll get a handkerchief!" squealed Renji turning around and racing toward Matsumoto for the pink kerchief that she kept tied around her.

"In your dreams!" roared Matsumoto knocking her fist on his head send him crashing for the ground.

The oatmeal oozed down his face and seeped between the cracks of his lips. It entered his mouth, mixed with the saliva and came in contact with his tongue.

Rukia who wore a white apron took it off and bashfully rushed towards her brother.

"Nii-sama!" she cried passing him the apron.

Snatching it up, Byakuya wiped his face and the area around him remained in an intense silence. He passed the apron back towards his sister who noticed that he didn't look her in the eye. Ichimaru saw him slowly approach him. Kira, who stood next to Gin, stepped back.

"Huh?" Gin looked at Byakuya in question.

He took the bowl from his hand.

BING!

"Oooooohh!!!" cried Renji, Matsumoto, Aizen, Ukitake, Ikkaku, Kira, Momo, all at the same time.

"SCORE!" cheered Yachiru.

Gin collapsed holding on to his crotch.

"That's got to hurt…"mumbled Toushiro holding on to his own with a squiggled look of pain across his face.

"Ain't no way I'm messin with that guy anymore," grumbled Kenpachi.

"Captain, Captain," cried Kira bending over him.

"Tch, tch, tch! Ahhh…" gasped Ichimaru, "I can't breathe…"

* * *

Renji the next day dropped by the captain's office with more documents from Unohana, saying that if they don't arrive for checkups that they'll be in a world of pain. Renji halted in front of the office door, gulped once and slid open the door carefully.

Captain Byakuya still had the spoon in his mouth resting on the back of his chair, eyes closed in total bliss. Renji could not believe his eyes. The captain dipped his spoon and took another taste.

"Mmmmmmm…"

"Err, uh, Captain…" Renji nervously closed the door behind him.

"Mmmmmmmm…"

"Uh, Captain," he repeated. Renji couldn't help but laugh a little. When he did, Byakuya's eyes shot open.

SHIT!

* * *

**Well, the rules and laws are never there to help people. It's always there to punish. Punish the wicked therefore helping the good. Keep that in mind. Captain Byakuya followed everything to the foot of the letter that's only gonna make him suffer in the end. The moral—it's quite obvious**

**Moral**

_**To law abiders, law will one day bite you in the ass.**_

**There ya go!**

**Oiii, Renji…**

**Hey Ichigo, what's up!**

**This is Rukia's oatmeal thingy?!**

**Yeah!**

**Ya dumbass! It tastes like your regular-ass oatmeal!**

**Who you're calling dumbass, dumbass!**

**END**

**

* * *

**

Longest Chapter EVER!!!! Well anyways... the next fiction in this series is "Whose the Greatest" from Cap. Ukitake's point of view. Thanx for reading!!!


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